Ed Thinks of Everything
- Ed Thinks of Everything
10:00 pm
Husband Ed accidentally severed a couple fingers off his left hand and there's no way he's going to the ER so please let's not even go down that road, Tanya Chandra posts.
Ed once worked for the hospitals and saw things he wasn't meant to see. The lawyer would tell me to stop right there, Tanya Chandra replies.
We understand this is the sort of inner-ring subdivision where private-leaning residents help each other live their best lives regardless of what those lives look like. We're hoping to do most of this at home. If you hear me we're at 5761 Pinecrest just in case, Tanya Chandra replies.
Sorry won't be able to let anyone in the house anytime soon because the windows and doors all tripwire once the alarm activates. I set the alarm off by accident and Ed's not his usual self so it'll take a minute to remember the deactivation code, Tanya Chandra replies.
We're new to life outside the city so apologies in advance if I'm inappropriate or offensive. Ohboy my hands are shaking. Ed insists I remind you it's his decision to reject the alien-medical-military industrial complex. That's what he's thinking about right now the alien-medical-military industrial complex, Tanya Chandra replies.
Ed says if the darkweb is 100 percent secure then this site is 125 percent secure. He says you crowdsourced how he could humanely trap and kill and dispose of the coyote that's been killing all those little dogs in a one-mile radius up and down Pinecrest from Lakeshore to Idlewood. All he had to do was speak honestly and ask respectfully so I hope I'm speaking honestly and asking respectfully, Tanya Chandra replies.
Someone who wishes to remain anonymous walked Ed through baiting that coyote into a padded trap with a tranquilizer-laced sirloin steak. When the cocktail kicked in and the beast's breathing slowed to a low murmur Ed dragged it out [End Page 175] by the scruff of its neck and snapped the head back with a cattle prod, Tanya Chandra replies.
The next day someone else who wishes to remain anonymous briefs Ed in backyard burial best practices. By now we've disposed of five potential serial-killer beasts so imagine all the puppies Ed's saved! Technically that violates subdivision bylaw kill limits but another anonymous someone showed Ed how to jerry-rig dumpsites in those abandoned properties across the highway on the city side of the border, Tanya Chandra replies.
We like it here. We like the Wildlife Into All-Life exhibit at the gallery. We like that most of this history has been re-homed to private collections in humane ways for the sake of all-life. And we love that no one at Friendly's Hardware looks at us the wrong way when we hit up the Garden Center aisles for heavy-duty shovels and two shopping carts filled with lime and a bunch of stuff to make quicklime with. You know, for the smell, Tanya Chandra replies.
Anyways Ed traveled the Great Plains with a punk-rock band called Groovy back in the late nineties and he's got impressive outsider knowledge so when Ed said Stop freaking out and listen while his hand dripped blood like syrup I listened more carefully than usual. Gave him a tranquilizer shot and cleaned the bleeding with the sterile saline solution he stores in the cooler in the basement and a cup of vodka from the cheap-vodka shelf in the pantry, Tanya Chandra replies.
Made two splints with TJ Maxx gift cards and packaging tape. Wrapped everything up nice around his bloody finger-stumps with the moist gauze we keep under the sink. Then Ed passes out from what I'm guessing is blood loss but luckily he's still breathing. Won't lie felt like I was losing blood there too. Anyone else hear this crazy wind it's rattling our front door, Tanya Chandra replies.
Disarmed the tripwire code which ended up...
