July 20, 1867.]

PUNCH OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

21

QUEEN’S HOTEL, AMBLESIDE, 3 O’CLOCK, A.M.

‘ ‘ Tom ! ” (No response.)

“I say, Tom !” (No answer.)

‘ ‘ Tom ! ” (A muffled grunt.)

“ Tom—Fire ! ”

“Eh? What? What do you say?”

“ I say Tom, do you think your Key will fit my Bag ?”

“No—’t won't—Chubb ! ” [Objurgations and Midnight Disturber retires.

SIX MONTHS OF LIFE-SAYING.

PASITA AND PADISHAH;

OR, PUTTING A FACE ON IT.

East and West a kob-a-nobbing,

Giaour and Moslem kaud-in-kand,

Fez and Chimney-pot a-bobbing,

Side by side, along the Strand !

Who says ’tis an age prosaic,
Common-place, in duluess drowned.
When, dovetailed, in strange mosaic,
Contrasts such as these are found ?

In the days of great Al-Raschid,
Wkatwould Moslem Sheiks have thought,
Had the Caliph thus his rash head
To the British Lions brought!

Think of crews of red-cross Galleys,
Rhodian warriors, or Maltese,

Changing their crusading sallies
For civilities like these !

Lo, the stagnant East upheaving,

Stirs with feverish unrest,

Impulse ’gainst its will receiving
From the forces of the West.

Pasha, Padishah, saluting.

Through the Hailway’s rush and scream.
See Kent’s pleasant fields go shooting
Past them, like a kachich-dream:

See a country all of gardens,

See a realm of steam and spade ;
Labour, Law, and Peace its wardens,
None to make its sons afraid :

See its fair face at the fairest,

Not the nakedness below :

Who art thou thy sores that barest ?
Pauper F—Hence, nor spoil the show!

We’ve a Padishah ,to dazzle.

We’ve a Pasha to amaze ;

We’ve to teach them England has all
That makes prosper, all that pays.

Keep the paupers in the Union,

Lock the vagrants in the ward;

From such frowsy, foul, communion
Needs our Eastern Guests we guard.

Show our millions of toilers,

Mete their work and count their pay :
How the engines burst their boilers,

Here and there, no need to say.

If Trades-Unions threaten, picket,

Ratten, murder, now and then—

On such dark facts close the wicket—
Blue Beard’s closet o’er again.

Don’t present our guests to Bumble ;

Keep him from our village schools :
There are things at which we fumble,

Or come down between two stools.
Union sick-wards smell unpleasant;

Workhouse nurs’ries breed foul air :
Don’t show how we house the peasant,

Or the Padishah might stare.

If your House he deigns to visit,

M.P.’s, let your hands be clean
Though that’s scarce the feature (is it ?),
By observers soonest seen.

Would he learn how you can cobble ?

The Reform Bill let him see :

Would he watch a party-hobble ?

Of the Carlton make him free.

A report just issued by the National Lifeboat Institution affirms that in the first half of
this present year of grace no fewer than four hundred and forty-three lives have been saved
by the lifeboats on our coasts. A society which saves nearly a thousand lives a-year (in 1866 it
saved nine hundred and twenty-one) is certainly deserving of liberal support. Conservative
support should also be extended to it, and Radicals and Tories ought to vie with one another
in trying who can help it by the biggest cheque. The office is at 14, John Street, Adelphi,
where the Secretary is ready to respond to all inquiries as to the great service yearly rendered
by the lifeboats, and where the largest contributions are most thankfully received.

Generally, keep the platter
On the outside very clean ....

Let sensation-writers chatter—

Things are judged by what is seen.
Eastern princes, stolid, stunted,

Must be taught to know the West—
So let ugly truths be shunted—

Those that can’t, make look their best.