Qualitative Evaluation of Men Vulnerability to Extramarital Relations

Because of the negative effects of marital infidelity followed to determine the reasons for clinicians and researchers is important. The purpose of this study was to investigate the causes of men marital infidelity. The approach used in the current study was a qualitative research method.To collect data, semi-structured interviews were used. Interview content analysis and categorization codes revealed that the reasons for marital infidelity placed in several categories. Sexual (seeking happiness and freshness due to marriage burnout, having new sexual experiences, sensation seeking, and wife sloppiness), emotional (marital conflicts, crises of life, loss of self, and emotion and though sharing), and external factors (power, having the opportunity to relationship, confidence and support received from friends, attitude or entitlement, de inhibition due to drug use). These categorizations have implications for clinicians and researchers. Therapists working with infidelity should consider these factors in prevention programs and family enrichment.


Introduction
For the vast majority of people, loyalty is very valued in a romantic relationship.Community-based surveys show that in European countries, social expectations are high to maintain monogamous relationships (Fife, Weeks & Stellberg-Filbert, 2013).This rate is even higher in the Asian countries (Penn, Hernandez & Bermudez, 1997).Despite, expect loyalty is very high, there is evidence that some people are involved in infidelity and disclosure of an affair is a significant challenge for most couples (Kröger et al., 2012).Even if revealing affair does not meet DSM-IV criteria for trauma (Dattilio, 2004), It should be considered one of the major life stressors thatimpacts each of the couples as well as their relationship,The impact on couples and their relationships, and Cheated spouses experience different emotions that their intensity fluctuates (Buss, 2000).
Infidelity is a serious problem that has serious implications for the couples (Peluso & Spina, 2008).It is also a major cause of divorce (Shackelford, Buss & Benett, 2002).Infidelity has different meanings for people.For some infidelity is having sex, and for some emotional intimacy with someone other than wife is infidelity (Hertlein, Wetchler & Piercy, 2005).From the perspective of Blow & Hartnett (2005) infidelity is defined as any secret emotional and sexual relationship, which violates the commitment to the marital relationship.So a more appropriate definition of infidelity is defined as any act of physical or emotional infidelity is associated with grief and sadness in loyal partners (Blow & Hartnett, 2005).Despite the infidelity threaten the stability of relationships, almost 20% of the women and men have acknowledged that in their current relationships involved have been affairs (Mark, Janssen & Milhausen, 2011).Infidelity global estimates range is between 1.7% and 29.8% (Anderson, 2006).However, accurate estimates of the amount can't be obtained.While the prevalence of extramarital relationships has been evasive to measure, but extensive research has been done in this area.
There is evidence that men and women think about relationships in numerous ways, though statistical differences show little effect (Petersen & Hyde, 2010).One of the factors that predict extramarital relationships is gender (Atkins, Baucom, & Jacobson, 2001).Traditionally, men more than women, are involved in marital infidelity (Smith, 1998).Research results show that, compared with women, men engage in more sexual behaviors (McAlister, Pachana, & Jackson, 2005), and have a more permissive attitude for engaging in extramarital relations (Petersen & Hyde, 2010).This difference often from evolution perspective on fertility, parental investment and ensure transfer of genes to be analyzed (Hughes, Harrison, & Gallup, 2004).Also, according to Glass and Wright (1992) Men and women are different to justify extramarital relationships, men seeking to justify sexual infidelity and women are seeking justification for emotional infidelity.In addition, some Asian-American men after sensuality blame your wife for this job (Penn, Hernandez, & Bermudez, 1997).All this suggests that gender influences on infidelity (Glass & Wright, 1992;Glass, 2003).Even when infidelity is rooted in communication reasons usually related to gender, so gender with other variables interact and lead to the infidelity (Scheinkman & Werneck, 2010).
Although some researchers believe that infidelity is more personal issue (Perel, 2010;Scheinkman, 2010).But traditionally the infidelity, signs of defects in the couple's relationship, and infidelity occurs only in dull and bad relations (Scheinkman & Werneck, 2010;Pittman & Wagers, 2005).Atkins et al. (2001) Showed that dissatisfaction alone is not a predictor of infidelity, Infidelity can be for reasons such as reduced in marital satisfaction (Thompson, 1983), increase negative interactions than positive exchanges (Allen et al., 2008), quality alternatives (Rusbult, Drigotas, & Verette, 1994), attachment (Bogaert &Sadava, 2002), self-expansion (Lewandowski, & Ackerman, 2006), extraversion and openness to experience (Orzeck & Lung ,2005), the third person's physical attractiveness (Wiederman & Hurd, 1999), religion (Whisman, Gordon & Chatav, 2007), have.Jackman (2015) the desirable attitudes towards infidelity, social approval and also reduce the attractiveness wife as reasons for infidelity.Based on the characteristics of marital relations, several models formed to explain the infidelity reasons.For example, Based on the deficit model (Thompson, 1984), Need fulfillment model (Drigotas & Rusbuilt, 1992), the self-expansion model (Aron & Aron, 1986), the personal growth model (Boekhout, Hendrick, & Hendrick, 2000), and investment model (Drigotas & Barta, 2001) the reasons of infidelity are related to the nature of marriage.But based on the evolution perspective (Bass, 2000) believes that men and women in relation to reproduction, face different challenges, and infidelity are involved for different reasons.Each of these models tried to explain the reasons for infidelity.Some models emphasized on the personal reasons and some have emphasized on the relationship reasons.Hence, the present study aims to investigate the reasons for men marital infidelity and provide research findings to explain the reasons of marital infidelity.

Participants and Sitting
The study population included all men are that in 2015-2016 due to the problem of infidelity go to counseling centers, The sample included 11 men who have been purposefully selected.These people have been living in Iran and in Kerman Province all these people belong to the Shiite Muslim community.The unit of analysiswere individuals and must meet the following criteria: (1) man, (2) age between 22-75, (3) having an extramarital relationship, (4) deal in their marriage about open relationships, (5) Having survived more a night, (6) a long relationship with a third person, (7) and in none of them have major mental disorder, (8) and finally up to one year of relationship they have.

Research Design
The approach in this study is a qualitative phenomenological method.Phenomenological analysis is very strict, to identify the essential elements of people common experience (Eichelberger, 1989).In the current study, aim was gaining a deeper understanding of the reason for the men's vulnerability to infidelity.We used phenomenological approach to explore key themes and patterns that lead to men marital infidelity.These patterns obtained from the experiences of men that involved in extramarital relationships.Data were obtained through semi-structured interviews.Questions focused on the dynamics of a couple's relationship (How did you settle your conflicts?What are the ups and downs in your relationship?Around formation of extramarital relations, special event had on your life?), marital infidelity (What made you away from your spouse?What difference was this woman with your spouse?If your relationship was not disclosed, you continue your relationship?),Interviews were conducted at the counseling centers.People for the treatment of marital infidelity, Referred to counseling centers.Interviews with each of the men between forty-five minutes to an hour and a half lasted.All of the interviews, three interviews recorded.Nine people were not allowed to record the interview.Although researchers had assured that this information is confidential.They were concerned.So the researchers immediately after the interviews have to write the interviews text.However, some information may be lost.The researchers are aware of this problem, and have tried as much as possible to remembered interviews contents.

Data Analysis
Phenomenological analysis seeks to understand and clarify the meaning, structure and nature of the experience is the person or group of persons (Strauss & Corbin, 1990).Data analysis included some main aspects: The first step in the phenomenological analysis is epoche.Epoche is a continuous analytical process.Epoche requires viewing prior to judgment.Judgment about what is real or most real.This work will continue until enough evidence is provided.The next step is phenomenological reduction.In this case, researchers are looking for key phrases and sentences that directly to the phenomenon are discussed (men marital infidelity).Then interpretation of the words and meaning of the phrase and key sentence, Evaluation Become apparent meanings, Features repeated marital infidelity, And finally presenting a testing statement about marital infidelity, In terms of the essential features that are repeated.In the next step all data are checked as equal, organized into meaningful clusters, irrelevant data will be deleted, and by recognizing the same data, finally information integration takes place.The final step is combined analysis of meanings and experiences, researcher by showing the patterns and relationships between participants' experiences, and give deeper meaning to the experiences of participants (Strauss & Corbin, 1990).

Result
Interview content analysis and categorization codes revealed that the reasons for marital infidelity can be placed in several categories.Sexual (seeking happiness and freshness due to marriage burnout, having new sexual experiences, sensation seeking, and wife sloppiness), emotional (marital conflicts, crises of life, loss of self, and emotion and though sharing), and external factors (power, having the opportunity to relationship, confidence and support received from friends, attitude or entitlement, de inhibition due to drug use).A brief overview of the contents of interviews with participants as well as the category of codes specified.

Emotional Factors
Losing of oneself: One of the reasons participates put forwards for their infidelity was having the feeling of losing oneself.They have no time to focus on their own interests freely and with no worries.One of the participants said: My spouse was a nagging voice, trying to control me all time.She kept calling me, asking me where I am, the stuff I hate to hear.If I wished to go out with some, I couldn't.If I would say I wanna go out with Mr. X, she would favor me to go out with her instead.She don't wanna me have some leisure and free time.

Another participant said:
Hubble-bubble was up, I lost my friends, she had limited me so much I couldn't even go out with my friends, all knew about this, Who I was who she wanted me to be.
Crises of life: incompetence to cope with life challenges and revolutionary moments was also cited by the participants to be a contributing factor to infidelity.Life challenges could fluctuate from death of a family member, to birth of a child, and financial issues.In what follows, one of the participants held: My brother-in-law was killed in an accident, following that my wife went to her mother's home.I had loneliness feelings then, meanwhile the lady I wished to marry with called and I continued with her.Of course, I guess know that my wife is leaving me soon or late cos has been admitted into a specialty course.

Another participant said:
When our son had put an end to his life, she stayed in her mom's home and didn't get back with us to our home.I was alone in the home, when I moved from the home, I was alone.
A third participant also noted:

My child is only few months old, I don't know what happened after his birth, and I feel repentant now.
Marital conflicts: A major infidelity cause was found to be the inability to address marital conflicts constructively.The couples were not able to talk their marital conflicts out effectively.In most cases, they addressed their conflicts indirectly and tired not to show vulnerability.Some misinterpreted their wives' intentions.
He minds her friends more than me, keeps wandering with them, can't forget them, for instance I got a flower for her but cos she wasn't at home, my son cut the ribbon and put it into a glass of water, but when she got home, say the flower was for somebody else cos its roots had already been picked by others!Another participant said: He has been keeping all his relationships with her family, her mother gets aggressive with me, why her mom should be doing this to me at her whim, she should not be allowing her mom to do this.We go to my hometown monthly, but even the single day causes she is in huff for a week.
Emotion and thought sharing: some of those people accused on infidelity are not seeking an infidelity scenario deliberately, however due to interaction with opposite sex and sharing their emotions and feelings with them, turn out to be involved in emotional and sexual relationships, a view which is borne out by the following interview snippet: We were simply colleagues in the same room.After a year, we got closer and closer.I kept talking about my life with her, but I didn't understand when I had feelings for her.Our talks lost its normality and we entered each other's privacy worlds.When I was not feeling good, she kept asking after me and I shared my life challenges with her.It just turned out we get closer and closer.

Sexual Factors
Wife negligence about her body or sloppiness: As time passes by after marriage, couples become increasingly inattentive to their appearance and ignore the social cost of their inattentiveness.As a consequence, others seem to be more attractive in the eyes of couples.In other words, alternatives become more and more eye-catching in so far as couples seek to establish a relationship with others so as to boost their own confidence.Take the comments of one of the participants: Many times I wanted her to lose her weight, I feel embarrassed in ceremonies, and sometimes I feel repentant.I love her wear beautifully,for her it does not matter.I feel embarrassed beside my friends.

Another participant says:
Her sweat smells so much, she never cares about herself, once we were having sex, she threw it up.I guess from then on she hates me.
Seeking happiness and freshness due to marriage burnout: Some who have explored their wives fully and grown tired of their repetitive behaviors, extra-matrimonial relationships are an alternative.Take the comments of the participants:

Another participant says:
It was perfect, but I can't put it aside, it's like a hobby for me, just cos I wanted to see her more, I asked her to go to the gym with my girl, at least I could see her more in this way.
Sensation seeking: although keeping optimal relations with their wives, some individuals seem to look for extra-matrimonial relationships simply to experience some excitement, fear, and new relationships.One of the participants of the study said: I have no problem with my husband, she is so gorgeous, everything is ok with her, but I don't know what happened all of a sudden, just it was interesting for me.It was enjoyable.

Another one said:
I think my love with her was not in our relationship, it was some passing feeling.
The having new sexual experiences: Another cause of infidelity experience was a new sexual experience with someone other than spouse.For men, sexual lures can be a contributing factor.Under certain circumstances, men find someone else sexually attractive and this gives reason for infidelity.One of the participants said: Now that we are no longer with each other, some nights I think of him, especially when I'm alone or my wife keeps quite, sometimes I fantasize her body before having sex with her, but later on she lost her attraction.

Another participant said:
One is not forced to eat the same food each days, I need sexual relationships and can't control myself.I went out with her, of course I was not sexually so potent but it was anyway interesting for me, I am taking drugs.

External Factors
Entitlement (attitudes): attitudes can drive people to infidelity.The attitudes are of historical and cultural origins and create a feeling of entitlement in men, Especially Asian men.Almost, all participants in the study had attitudes of this kind.Participants of the study said: I believe this behavior is part of men's essence.I don't do that for a long time, I die.The media should understand this, men needs this and so, they shouldn't focus on that too much.Now, almost all men do that.

I'm a man and so I can do this. A friend of mine says if A men unzip his trouser, he can't zip it anymore (Iranian proverb).
Another say:

There is a saying going around that when a man becomes wealthy, his trousers become two (Iranian proverb). Another say if one wants to do it, he does it even in a car's trunk (Iranian proverb).
Support and confidence from peers and friends: having friends who support clandestine relationships or share their similar experiences renders such extra-marital relationships justified, pushing individuals towards adulterous behaviors.Take the following excerpt: We had attended a ceremony with my brother-in-law.A friend of him was a tire-vendor.We sparked up a conversation and he told us of his experiences, I noticed that I am a loser!Another participant said: When we went out, I told my wife I'm with my friend, if she called my friend he would cover for me.

Another one said:
When she (my partner) gave me call, my friend suggested me to see him.He himself came with me with his car.I tell my friend everything.
Power: A contributing factor to develop clandestine relationships is to have power or money and the ability to influence other people.Wealthy people are more likely and have more opportunity to use their power.
We (three) rented a house and paid the rent in a cozy place in the city, whenever we wish we go there.Each has his own girlfriend.

Another says:
One day we had left home to buy a cellphone.A daughter had followed me and told me about her financial problems.She asked me to help her.I told her to come to me tomorrow.I went out with her for one year, bought her everything she wished.Of course I was not sexually potent after she left me I entered a relationship with her friend.
Opportunity: Sometimes individuals are not actively looking for clandestine relationship however it is the setting driving them to misuse the situation.One of the participants said: She was my college student and later on I employed her in my workplace.

Another said:
I become familiar to her in a store.I had a lot of opportunities there cos of my work, of course if you are the one looking for such opportunities.
A third participant said: I had a quarrel with my wife, I went to my dad's home, I had a Whats App message from an unfamiliar number, but I noticed that she was my ex-girlfriend and I replied.
Addiction-related de inhibition: some turn to infidelity simply due to addiction-related de inhibition and as an attempt to obviate mental and social hindrances without prior intention.
When we went to garden with my friends, we drank wine (wine forbidden in Iran society), then we felt easy with girls, sometime when we were gathering around a hookah, we talked about our lives.

Another said:
I had drunk wine in a wedding ceremony, I called her (partner), but cos I was her superior, she said nothing, later on I noticed what I had done.
These results demonstrate how the men participants became involved in marital infidelity.However, it should be noted that infidelity not happens for a reason.But several factors interact with each other and people ready to infidelity, In other words infidelity is a multi-dimensional phenomenon.Betraying none of the individuals was not a factor.The external, emotional and sexual factors interaction with each other and infidelity emerge.

Discussion
Infidelity has attracted much attention in recent years, Due to the growth of marital infidelity and its negative effects, it is important to understand the effects and prevalence for therapists and researchers (Christian-Herman, O' Leary, & Avery-Leaf, 2001).Therefore the primary objective of this study was to better understand the process of engaging men in marital infidelity.After the interview content analysis and categorization of the codes showed that the reasons for men marital infidelity can be placed in several categories: Sexual, emotional and external factors.
Although research questions focus on the dynamics of relations and conflicts that have experience in this regard, but one of the things that the men participating in the study were driven to infidelity was external factors or situational factors.These factors had little or no relevance with the nature of the relationship between the couple.Even some of the men's relationship with his wife was appropriate.However, they were involved in extramarital relationships.Some researchers also believe this issue (Perel, 2010).This can be explained from the evolution perspective.Bass (2000) believes that based on evolution perspectives men and women in relation to reproduction, faced with different challenges, and these differences driven from evolution pressures (Buss et al., 1992).This evolutionpressure forced the men to use the opportunities that they have access to alternative partners.According to evolution perspective, men are by nature to seek multiple sexual partners.This desire makes men more likely than women to be infidelity (Munsch, 2012).Power (Lammers, & et al., 2011;Galinsky et al., 2008) and friends who support of this relationship (Buunk & Bakker, 1995) and also inhibition by consumption of substances (Allen et al., 2005) facilitates the use of readily available positions, and despite the social sanction of infidelity, men ignore social norms and are drawn to the other partners.Even if people have permissive attitudes about sex without commitment (Barta, & Kiene, 2005;Hackathorn et al., 2011), It is easier to get into extramarital relationships.So it seems that infidelity some of men have not related with his wife or their marriage.
In this study, emotional problems were one of the main causes of men treacherous behaviors.The vast majority of men had not a proper relationship with their spouse.However investment model study (Drigotas, & Barta, 2001), the deficit (Thompson, 1984), and personal growth model (Lewandowski, & Ackerman, 2006) can be explained this issue.According to the investment model, there are forces that make people more commitment and less on relations, whatever the level of satisfaction and investing in relationships is more, Infidelity likely to be less.But high quality alternative reduce the level of commitment (Campbell, & Foster, 2002).Also based deficit model, people due to marital problems (Previti, & Amato, 2004) and dissatisfaction in their marriage, sought extramarital relations (Thompson, 1984), this dissatisfaction with make comparisons, promoted alternatives.Investment model and the deficit model support for the findings of this study.Each of these people, due to of the low level of satisfaction in marriage, extramarital relations for them became more satisfying that make it more attractive extramarital relationship.Personal growth model also supports the findings of this study.According to this model, people to improve their own sense of self, follow up extramarital relationships (Lewandowski, & Ackerman, 2006).The number of people participating had extramarital relations to find itself.In this study, the inability to manage the evolution of life such as birth, improve the economic situation and the loss of a family member also facilitated extramarital relations (Allen, 2001;Bagarozzi, 2008;Whisman, Chatav, & Gordon. 2003).In general, it is not clear how much of this dissatisfaction is related to before of affair and how much of it is related to the disclosure of the affair.But what is clear is that inappropriate spouse relationships acts as a facilitator for entering the extramarital relations.
Another factor that plays a crucial role in the development of infidelity are related to sexual issues (acquisition of freshness and joy for boring marriage, having new sexual experiences, lack of care wife of his body, sensation seeking).Alan et al. (2005), Lusterman (1998), Previti and Amato (2004), Buss and Shackelford (1997), Yeniçeri, and Kokdemir (2006), Zuckerman (2007), Lalasz and Weigel (2011) confirms the role of sex in the incidence of infidelity.
Sex problems (Bagarozzi, 2008), and affect are considered the main areas of communication problems.People who are having difficulty in exchanging sexual satisfaction (Thompson, Charo, Vahia, Depp, Allison, & Jeste, 2011), and the quantity and quality of sexual relations that they have are too little (Allen et al., 2008), are more likely to engage in extramarital relationships.Therefore, based on the theories of motivation for infidelity (Bass, 2000), men tend to justify their betrayal by sexual reasons (Glass & Wright, 1992), and seek extramarital sex that bring more emotional and sexual satisfaction than a marriage, and they have more adventure experience (Bukstrel, Roeder, Kilmann, Laughlin, & Sotile, 1978).According to the investment model Drigotas, & Rusbult (1992) need sex, intimacy, companionship, emotionalmajor needs that are satisfied in intimate relationships.Dissatisfaction and low investment in the relationship shows attractiveness of wife is little.As a result, appeal to people outside of marriage increases, and people tend to infidelity.Overall, it seems that infidelity is a phenomenon individual and relational phenomenon, and to explain the causes of male betrayal, we can't confine ourselves to a cause.Several factors go hand in hand together and facilitate the occurrence of infidelity.
Altogether, there are several reasons for the marital infidelity.However it seems the shortcomings of marital relationship play a key role in the marital infidelity.Partners when assessing the risks and benefits tend to be into the affair, there are little emotional reserves between partners.People often use such relations as a message for his spouse, or improve your relationship or get out of the relationship.But betrayal is any reason that happened is unacceptable and could not be justified in any way because they have other ways to solve their problems.The lack of longitudinal studies could not be said with absolute certainty that the betrayal of these factors can be predicted.As well as the review of these factors after the betrayal can be said that some of the potential problems caused by the betrayal is not the cause of infidelity.Reviews the factors from the perspective of the betrayed wife other results will probably.The factors mentioned in this study could not be considered definitive reason cited infidelity.