The Stage of Goal Expansion

Abstract

A clever businessman does not put all his capital into one project. He divides it among several of them. Communication disorders usually bring with them a limitation of human contact. One punishes one’s mate by forbidding him something, i.e.. withdrawing from him. The results are a cooling off and a diminishment of the human relationships. We call this process the limitations of goals. The basic principle for goal expansion is the realization that out marriage partners possess a number of other potentials besides the areas that are conflictual.

Persian mysticism tells of a wanderer who trudged along on a seemingly endlessly long road. He was loaded down with all sorts of burdens. A heavy sack of sand hung on his back; a thick water hose was draped around his body. In his right hand, he carried an oddly shaped stone, in the left hand a boulder. Around his neck an old millstone dangled on a frayed rope. Rusty chains, with which he dragged heavy weights through the dusty sand, wound around his ankles. On his head, the man was balancing a half-rotten pumpkin. With every step he took, the chains rattled. Moaning and groaning, he moved forward step by step, complaining of his hard fate and the weariness that tormented him. On his way, a farmer met him in the glowing heat of midday. The farmer asked, “O tired wanderer, why do you load yourself down with this boulder?”

“Awfully dumb,” replied the wanderer, “but I hadn’t noticed it before.” With that, he threw the rock away and felt much lighter.

Again, after going a long way down the road, a farmer met him and asked, “Tell me, tired wanderer, why do you trouble yourself with the half-rotten pumpking on your head, and why do you drag those heavy iron weights behind you on chains?”

The wanderer answered, “I’m very glad you pointed this out to me. I didn’t realize what I was doing to myself.” He took off the chains and smashed the pumpkin into the ditch alongside the road. Again he felt lighter. But the farther he went, the more he began to suffer again.

A farmer coming from the field watched him in amazement and said, “Oh good man, you are carrying sand in the sack, but what you see far off in the distance is more sand than you could ever carry. And your big water hose—as if you planned to cross the Kawir Desert. All the while there’s a clear stream flowing alongside you, which will accompany you on your way for a long time.” Upon hearing this, the wanderer tore open the water hose and emptied its brackish water onto the path. Then he filled a hole with the sand from his knapsack. He stood there pensively and looked into the sinking sun. The last rays sent their light to him. He glanced down at himself, saw the heavy millstone around his neck, and suddenly realized it was the stone that was still causing him to walk so bent over. He unloosened it and threw it as far as he could into the river. Freed from his burdens, he wandered on through the cool of the evening to find lodging.