Border Skirmishes Don’t Have to Turn into Nuclear War

Abstract

Most of us are ill prepared to deal well with conflict. We grew up in families where we could proudly state our parents never fought only to later learn that what we were really observing was peace at any price. Or we grew up in households filled with arguments, yelling, and screaming, where seemingly very little was resolved. We consequently either live in secret terror of confrontation or feel prepared to fight at the slightest provocation. Despite our best intentions, we often repeat the patterns of our families in the new families we create.

Better bend than break.

Scottish Proverb

We had one fight in seventeen years. We did not communicate. In the end I knew I would die if I didn’t stop stuffing my feelings and get out of a dead marriage.

Susan

We fought over everything, from how to make an omelet to how to make money. Neither of us could be right without the other’s being wrong. We were never a team. We didn’t know how to resolve our differences.

Mark