Abstract
Little research has explored same-gender couples’ experiences of relationship dissolution, and no research has explored relationship dissolution in same-gender adoptive parents. Drawing from feminist and social constructionist perspectives, the current qualitative study examined the perspectives of 13 adoptive mothers (seven lesbian, six heterosexual) who had separated from their partners over the course of a longitudinal study on adoptive families. Participants were interviewed via telephone and represented a geographically diverse sample of mothers in the U.S. Becoming a parent (to a high-needs child in particular), differences in parenting style, parent problems (e.g., substance abuse), and infidelity were perceived as contributing to relationship dissolution by all types of participants. Lesbian mothers were especially likely to emphasize problems with emotional and sexual intimacy, and inequities in the division of labor, as contributors. Lesbian mothers were more likely to describe shared custody arrangements than heterosexual mothers, who were typically the primary residential parents. Participants described both practical challenges (e.g., financial insecurity) and emotional challenges (e.g., feelings of guilt, especially in light of the child’s history of loss) in the wake of relationship dissolution. However, participants also identified positive changes that had occurred post-dissolution, including personal growth and improved co-parenting, with the latter being noted by lesbians in particular. Findings have implications for professionals wishing to support diverse families during key life transitions, such as parental relationship dissolution.
Similar content being viewed by others
References
Bajackson, E. (2013). Best interests of the child: A legislative journey still in motion. Journal of American Academy of Matrimonial Law, 25, 311–533.
Blumstein, P., & Schwartz, P. (1983). American couples: Money, work, sex. New York: William Morrow.
Bogdan, R. C., & Biklen, S. K. (2003). Qualitative research for education: An introduction to theories and methods (4th ed.). New York: Pearson.
Carbone, J. R. (1994). A feminist perspective on divorce. The Future of Children, 4, 183–209. doi:10.2307/1602484.
Charmaz, K. (2006). Constructing grounded theory: A practical guide through qualitative analysis. London, UK: Sage.
Chasteen, A. (1994). “The world around me”: The environment and single women. Sex Roles, 31, 309–330. doi:10.1007/BF01544591.
Chevrette, R. (2013). Outing heteronormativity in interpersonal and family communication: Feminist applications of queer theory beyond the sexy streets. Communication Theory, 23, 170–190. doi:10.1111/comt.12009.
Choo, H. Y., & Ferree, M. M. (2010). Practicing intersectionality in sociological research: A critical analysis of inclusions, interactions, and institutions in the study of inequalities. Sociological Theory, 28, 129–149. doi:10.1111/j.1467-9558.2010.01370.x.
Coleman, M., Ganong, L. H., Killian, T. S., & McDaniel, A. K. (1998). Mom’s house? Dad’s house? Attitudes toward physical custody changes. Families in Society, 79, 112–122. doi:10.1606/1044-3894.1821.
Collins, R. L., Ellickson, P. L., & Klein, D. J. (2007). The role of substance use in young adult divorce. Addiction, 102, 786–794. doi:10.1111/j.1360-0443.2007.01803.x.
Demo, D. H., & Cox, M. J. (2000). Families with young children: A review of research in the 1990s. Journal of Marriage and Family, 62, 876–895. doi:10.1111/j.1741-3737.2000.00876.x.
Dew, J., Britt, S., & Huston, S. (2012). Examining the relationship between financial issues and divorce. Family Relations, 61, 615–628. doi:10.1111/j.1741-3729.2012.00715.x.
Donnelly, D., & Finkelhor, D. (1993). Who has joint custody? Class differences in the determination of custody arrangements. Family Relations, 42, 57–60. doi:10.2307/584922.
Emery, R. E., Laumann-Billings, L., Waldron, M. C., Sbarra, D. A., & Dillon, P. (2001). Child custody mediation and litigation: Custody, contact, and coparenting 12 years after initial dispute resolution. Journal of Consulting and Clinical Psychology, 69, 323–329. doi:10.1037/0022-006X.69.2.323.
Ferree, M. M. (2010). Filling the glass: Gender perspectives on families. Journal of Marriage & Family, 72, 420–439. doi:10.1111/j.1741-3737.2010.00711.x.
Gartrell, N., Deck, A., Rodas, C., Peyser, H., & Banks, A. (2005). The National Lesbian Family Study: 4. Interviews with the 10-year-old children. American Journal of Orthopsychiatry, 75, 518–524. doi:10.1037/0002-9432.75.4.518.
Gartrell, N., Deck, A., Rodas, C., Peyser, H., & Banks, A. (2006). The National Lesbian Family Study: Interviews with mothers of 10-year-olds. Feminism & Psychology, 16, 175–192. doi:10.1177/0959-353506062972.
Gates, G., & Ost, J. (2004). The lesbian and gay atlas. Washington, DC: Urban Institute Press.
Gergen, M., & Gergen, K. (2003). Marriage as relational engagement. Feminism & Psychology, 13, 469–474. doi:10.1177/0959353030134012.
Goddard, H., Marshall, J., Olson, J., & Dennis, S. (2012). Character strengths and religiosity as predictors of marital satisfaction in a sample of highly religious and divorce-prone couples. Journal of Couple and Relationship Therapy, 11, 2–15. doi:10.1037/t02175-000.
Goldberg, A. E. (2010). Lesbian and gay parents and their children: Research on the family life cycle. Washington DC: APA.
Goldberg, A. E. (2013). “Doing” and “undoing” gender: The meaning and division of housework in same-sex couples. Journal of Family Theory and Review, 5, 85–104. doi:10.1111/jftr.12009.
Goldberg, A. E., & Allen, K. A. (2013). Same-sex relationship dissolution and LGB stepfamily formation: Perspectives of young adults with LGB parents. Family Relations, 62, 529–544. doi:10.1111/fare.12042.
Goldberg, A. E., & Sayer, A. G. (2006). Lesbian couples’ relationship quality across the transition to parenthood. Journal of Marriage and Family, 68, 87–100. doi:10.1111/j/1741-3737.2006.00235.x.
Goldberg, A. E., Smith, J. Z., & Kashy, D. A. (2010). Pre-adoptive factors predicting lesbian, gay, and heterosexual couples’ relationship quality across the transition to adoptive parenthood. Journal of Family Psychology, 24, 221–232. doi:10.1037/a0019615.
Goldberg, A. E., Moyer, A. M., & Kinkler, L. A. (2013). Lesbian, gay, and heterosexual adoptive parents’ perceptions of parental bonding during early parenthood. Couple and Family Psychology: Research and Practice, 2, 146–162. doi:10.1037/a0031834.
Hawkins, A. J., Willoughby, B. J., & Doherty, W. J. (2012). Reasons for divorce and openness to marital reconciliation. Journal of Divorce and Remarriage, 53, 453–463. doi:10.1080/10502556.2012.682898.
Hopper, J. (1993). The rhetoric of motives in divorce. Journal of Marriage & Family, 55, 801–813. doi:10.2307/352763.
Howard, J., & Berzin, S. (2011). Never too old: Achieving permanency and sustaining connections for older youth in foster care. New York: The Donaldson Adoption Institute.
Hung, S. L. (2012). An empowerment model on reconstituting the meanings of divorce. Affilia, 27, 289–299. doi:10.1177/0886109912452641.
Jackson, S. (2006). Gender, sexuality and heterosexuality: The complexity (and limits) of heteronormativity. Feminist Theory, 7, 105–121. doi:10.1177/1464700106061462.
Jamison, T. B., Coleman, M., Ganong, L. H., & Feistman, R. E. (2014). Transitioning to post-divorce family life: A grounded theory investigation of resilience in coparenting. Family Relations, 63, 411–423. doi:10.1111/fare.12074.
Kalmijn, M., & Poortman, A. R. (2006). His or her divorce? The gendered nature of divorce and its determinants. European Sociological Review, 22, 201–214. doi:10.1093/esr/jci052.
Knudson-Martin, C., & Mahoney, A. R. (2009). Introduction to the special section—gendered power in cultural contexts: Capturing the lived experience of couples. Family Process, 48, 5–8. doi:10.1111/j.1545-5300.2009.01263.x.
Koenig Kellas, J., & Manusov, V. (2003). What’s in a story? The relationship between narrative completeness and tellers’ adjustment to relationship dissolution. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 20, 285–307. doi:10.1177/0265407503020003002.
Kurdek, L. A. (1991). The dissolution of gay and lesbian couples. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 8, 265–278. doi:10.1177/0265407591082006.
Kurdek, L. A. (1992). Relationship stability and relationship satisfaction in cohabiting gay and lesbian couples: A prospective longitudinal test of the contextual and interdependence models. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 9, 125–142. doi:10.1177/0265407592091007.
Kurdek, L. A. (1997). Adjustment to relationship dissolution in gay, lesbian, and heterosexual partners. Personal Relationships, 4, 145–161. doi:10.1111/j.1475-6811.1997.tb00136.x.
Kurdek, L. (2005). Reflections on queer theory and family science. In V. Bengtson, A. Acock, K. Allen, D. Klein, & P. Dilworth-Anderson (Eds.), Sourcebook of family theory and research (pp. 160–166). Thousand Oaks, CA: Sage.
Lawrence, E., Nylen, K., & Cobb, R. J. (2007). Prenatal expectations and marital satisfaction over the transition to parenthood. Journal of Family Psychology, 21, 155–164. doi:10.1037/0893-3200.21.2.155.
Malone, K., & Cleary, R. (2002). (De)sexing the family: Theorizing the social science of lesbian families. Feminist Theory, 3, 271–293. doi:10.1177/ 146470002762492006.
Markham, M. S., & Coleman, M. (2012). The good, the bad, and the ugly: Divorced mothers’ experiences with coparenting. Family Relations, 61, 586–600. doi:10.1111/j.1741-3729.2012.00718.x.
Markham, M. S., Ganong, L. H., & Coleman, M. (2007). Coparental identity and mothers’ cooperation in coparental relationships. Family Relations, 56, 369–377. doi:10.1111/j.1741-3729.2007.00466.x.
Martin, B. (1994). Sexualities without genders and other queer utopias. Diacritics, 24, 104–121. doi:10.2307/465167.
McCall, L. (2005). The complexity of intersectionality. Signs, 30, 1771–1800. doi:10.1086/426800.
Miles, M., & Huberman, A. (1994). Qualitative data analysis: An expanded sourcebook (2nd ed.). Thousand Oaks, CA: Sage.
Mohr, J. J., Selterman, D., & Fassinger, R. E. (2013). Romantic attachment and relationship functioning in same-sex couples. Journal of Counseling Psychology, 60, 72–82. doi:10.1037/a0030994.
Nystrom, K., & Ohrling, K. (2004). Parenthood experiences during the child’s first year: Literature review. Journal of Advanced Nursing, 46, 319–330. doi:10.1111/j.1365-2648.2004.02991.x.
Patton, M. (2002). Qualitative evaluation and research methods. Newbury Park, CA: Sage.
Previti, D., & Amato, P. (2004). Is infidelity a cause or consequence of poor marital quality? Journal of Social & Personal Relationships, 21, 217–230. doi:10.1177/0265407504041384.
Robertson, J., Pryor, J., & Moss, J. (2009). Putting the kids first: Caring for children after separation. Social Policy Journal of New Zealand, 35, 129–138.
Rogge, R. D., & Bradbury, T. N. (1999). Till violence does us part: The differing roles of communication and aggression in predicting adverse marital outcomes. Journal of Consulting and Clinical Psychology, 67, 340–351. doi:10.1037/0022-006X.67.3.340.
Sandfield, A. (2006). Talking divorce: The role of divorce in women’s constructions of relationship status. Feminism & Psychology, 16, 155–174. doi:10.1177/0959-353506062971.
Sandfield, A., & Percy, C. (2003). Accounting for single status: Heterosexism and ageism in heterosexual women’s talk about marriage. Feminism & Psychology, 13, 475–488. doi:10.1177/09593535030134013.
Schwandt, T. (2000). Three epistemological stances for qualitative inquiry: Interpretivism, hermeneutics, and social constructionism. In N. K. Denzin & Y. S. Lincoln (Eds.), Handbook of qualitative research (pp. 189–214). Thousand Oaks, CA: Sage.
Scott, S., Rhoades, G., Stanley, S., Allen, E. S., & Markman, H. (2013). Reasons for divorce and recollections of premarital intervention: Implications for improving relationship education. Couple and Family Psychology: Research and Practice, 2, 131–145. doi:10.1037/a0032025.
Shapiro, J. (2013). The law governing LGBT-parent families. In A. E. Goldberg & K. R. Allen (Eds.), LGBT-parent families: Innovations in research and implications for practice (pp. 291–304). New York: Springer.
Smyth, B. (2005). Parent–child contact in Australia: Exploring five different post-separation patterns of parenting. International Journal of Law Policy and the Family, 19, 1–22. doi:10.1093/lawfam/ebi001.
Terling-Watt, T. (2001). Explaining divorce: An examination of the relationship between marital characteristics and divorce. Journal of Divorce & Remarriage, 35, 125–145. doi:10.1300/J087v35n03_08.
Timm, T. M., Mooradian, J. K., & Hock, R. M. (2011). Exploring core issues in adoption: Individual and marital experience of adoptive mothers. Adoption Quarterly, 14, 268–283. doi:10.1080/10926755.2011.628264.
Toews, M. L., & McKenry, P. C. (2001). Court-related predictors of parental cooperation and conflict after divorce. Journal of Divorce & Remarriage, 35, 57–73. doi:10.1300/J087v35n01_03.
Tornello, S. L., Johnson, S. M., & O’Connor, E. (2013). Relationship quality among lesbian mothers in planned families. Journal of GLBT Family Studies, 9, 346–363. doi:10.1080/1550428X.2013.801008.
Turtletaub, G. L. (2002). The effects of long-term primary relationship dissolution on the children of lesbian parents. Dissertation Abstracts International: Section B. The Sciences and Engineering, 63(5-B), 2610.
van Schalkwyk, G. (2005). Explorations of post‐divorce experiences: Women’s reconstructions of self. Australian and New Zealand Journal of Family Therapy, 26, 90–97. doi:10.1002/j.1467-8438.2005.tb00648.x.
Waller, M. R., & Jones, M. R. (2014). Who is the residential parent? Understanding discrepancies in unmarried parents’ reports. Journal of Marriage and Family, 76, 73–93. doi:10.1111/jomf.12087.
Walzer, S., & Oles, T. (2003). Accounting for divorce: Gender and uncoupling narratives. Qualitative Sociology, 26, 331–349. doi:10.1023/A:1024066209821.
Wymbs, B. T., Pelham, W. R., Molina, B. G., Gnagy, E. M., Wilson, T. K., & Greenhouse, J. B. (2008). Rate and predictors of divorce among parents of youths with ADHD. Journal of Consulting and Clinical Psychology, 76, 735–744. doi:10.1037/a0012719.
Yodanis, C. (2005). Divorce culture and marital gender equality: A cross-national study. Gender & Society, 19, 644–659. doi:10.1177/0891243205278166.
Author information
Authors and Affiliations
Corresponding author
Rights and permissions
About this article
Cite this article
Goldberg, A.E., Moyer, A.M., Black, K. et al. Lesbian and Heterosexual Adoptive Mothers’ Experiences of Relationship Dissolution. Sex Roles 73, 141–156 (2015). https://doi.org/10.1007/s11199-014-0432-2
Published:
Issue Date:
DOI: https://doi.org/10.1007/s11199-014-0432-2