Abstract
Existing research suggests that people with high, but not low, self-esteem use their dating partners' love and acceptance as a resource for self-affirmation when faced with personal shortcomings. The present research examines the role that perceived contingencies of acceptance play in mediating these effects. In Experiment 1, we activated either conditional or unconditional working models and then gave experimental participants failure feedback on an intelligence test. In Experiment 2, we activated thoughts of rejection (or control thoughts) and then gave experimental participants feedback suggesting that their romantic partners would discover their secret sides. Experiment 1 revealed that low and high self-esteem women both embellished their partners' love and acceptance to compensate for self-doubt when the unconditional audience was primed. When rejection was primed in Experiment 2, however, high self-esteem men reacted to the self-threat by doubting their partners' love. These findings suggest that people with low self-esteem may not typically use their relationships to self-affirm because contingencies linking failure to rejection and acceptance to success are chronically accessible in their interpersonal schemas.
This is a preview of subscription content, log in via an institution to check access.
Similar content being viewed by others
REFERENCES
Aiken, L. S., & West, S. G. (1991). Multiple regression: Testing and interpreting interactions. NY: Sage.
Aron, A., Aron, E. N., Tudor, M., & Nelson, G. (1991). Close relationships as including other in the self. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 60, 241-253.
Aron, A., Paris, M., & Aron, E. N. (1995). Falling in love: Prospective studies of self-concept change. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 69, 1102-1112.
Baldwin, M.W. (1997). Relational schemas as a source of if-then self-inference procedures. Review of General Psychology, 1, 326-335.
Baldwin, M. W., & Holmes, J. G. (1987). Salient private audiences and awareness of the self. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 52, 1087-1098.
Baldwin, M.W., & Keelan, J. P. R. (1999).Interpersonal expectations as a function of self-esteem and sex. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 16, 822-833.
Baldwin, M. W., Keelan, J. P. R., Fehr, B., Enns, V., & Koh-Rangarajoo, E. (1996). Social-cognitive conceptualization of attachment working models: Availability and accessibility effects. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 71, 94-109.
Baldwin, M. W., & Sinclair, L. (1996). Self-esteem and "if::: then" contingencies of interpersonal acceptance. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 71, 1130-1141.
Baumeister, R. F. (1993). Self-esteem: The puzzle of low self-regard. NY: Plenum.
Baumeister, R. F., Wotman, S. R., & Stillwell, A. M. (1993). Unrequited love: On heartbreak, anger, guilt, scriptlessness, and humiliation. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 64, 377-394.
Baumgardner, A. H. (1990). To know oneself is to like oneself: Self-certainty and self-affect. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 58, 1062-1072.
Bellavia, G., & Murray, S. L. (1999). Did I do that? Attributions for a romantic partner's negative moods. Unpublished data, State University of New York at Buffalo.
Berscheid, E., & Fei, J. (1977). Romantic love and sexual jealousy. In G. Clanton & L. G. Smith (Eds.), Jealousy(pp. 101-109). Englewood Cliffs, NJ: Prentice Hall.
Bowlby, J. (1982). Attachment and loss(Vol. 1: Attachment). London: Hogarth Press.
Campbell, J. D. (1990). Self-esteem and clarity of the self-concept. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 59, 538-549.
Collins, N. L. (1996). Working models of attachment: Implications for explanation, emotion and behavior. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 71, 810-832.
Collins, N. L., & Feeney, B. C. (2000). A safe haven: An attachment theory perspective on support seeking and care-giving in intimate relationships. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 78, 1053-1073.
Collins, N. L., & Read, S. J. (1994). Cognitive representations of attachment: The structure and function of working models. Advances in Personal Relationships, 5, 53-90.
Cutrona, C. E. (1996). Social support in couples. Thousand Oaks, CA: Sage.
Downey, G., & Feldman, S. I. (1996). Implications of rejection sensitivity for intimate relationships. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 70, 1327-1343.
Dunning, D., Leuenberger, A., & Sherman, D. (1995). A new look at motivated inference: Are selfserving theories of success a product of motivational forces? Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 69, 58-68.
Griffin, D.W., & Ross, L. (1991). Subjective construal, social inference and human misunderstanding. Advances in Experimental Social Psychology, 24, 319-359.
Hazan, C., & Shaver, P. R. (1994). Attachment as an organizational framework for research on close relationships. Psychological Inquiry, 5, 1-22.
Holmes, J. G., & Rempel, J. K. (1989). Trust in close relationships. In C. Hendrick (Ed.), Review of personality and social psychology: Close relationships, (Vol. 10, pp. 187-219). Newbury Park: Sage.
Katz, J., Beach, S. R. H., & Anderson, P. (1996). Self-enhancement versus self-verification: Does spousal support always help? Cognitive Therapy and Research, 20, 345-360.
Kenny, D. A. (1994). Interpersonal perception: A social relations analysis. NY: Guilford Press.
Kernis, M. H., Cornell, D. P., Sun, C. R., Berry, A., & Harlow, T. (1993). There's more to self-esteem than whether it is high or low: The importance of stability of self-esteem. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 65, 1190-1204.
Lakey, B., McCabe, K. M., Fisicaro, S. A., & Drew, J. B. (1996). Environmental and personal determinants of support perceptions: Three generalizability studies. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 70, 1270-1280.
Leary, M. R., Tambor, E. S., Terdal, S. K., & Downs, D. L. (1995). Self-esteem as an interpersonal monitor: The sociometer hypothesis. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 68, 518-530.
Martin, L. L. (1986). Set/reset: Use and disuse of concepts in impression formation. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 51, 493-504.
Murray, S. L., Holmes, J. G., Bellavia, G., & Rose, P. (2000). Self-esteem and perceived contingencies surrounding a romantic partner's regard. Unpublished data, State University of New York at Buffalo.
Murray, S. L., Holmes, J. G., Bellavia, G., Griffin, D. W., & Dolderman, D. (2000). Kindred spirits? The benefits of egocentrism in close relationships. Unpublished manuscript, State University of New York at Buffalo.
Murray, S. L., Holmes, J. G., & Griffin, D. W. (1996a). The benefits of positive illusions: Idealization and the construction of satisfaction in close relationships. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 70, 79-98.
Murray, S. L., Holmes, J. G., & Griffin, D. W. (1996b). The self-fulfilling nature of positive illusions in romantic relationships: Love is not blind, but prescient. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 71, 1155-1180.
Murray, S. L., Holmes, J. G., & Griffin, D.W. (2000). Self-esteem and the quest for felt security: How perceived regard regulates attachment processes. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 78, 478-498.
Murray, S. L., Holmes, J. G., Griffin, D. W., Bellavia, G., & Rose, P. (2001). The mismeasure of love: How self-doubt contaminates relationship beliefs. Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, 27, 423-436.
Murray, S. L., Holmes, J. G., MacDonald, G., & Ellsworth, P. (1998). Through the looking glass darkly? When self-doubts turn into relationship insecurities. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 75, 1459-1480.
Nezlek, J. B., Kowalski, R. M., Leary, M. R., Blevins, T., & Holgate, S. (1997). Personality moderators of reactions to interpersonal rejection: Depression and trait self-esteem. Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, 23, 1235-1244.
Roberts, J. E., Gotlib, I. H., & Kassel, J. D. (1996). Adult attachment security and symptoms of depression: The mediating roles of dysfunctional attitudes and low self-esteem. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 70, 310-320.
Rosenberg, M. (1965). Society and the adolescent self-image. Princeton, NJ: Princeton University Press.
Shrauger, J. S., & Schoeneman, T. J. (1979). Symbolic interactionist view of the self-concept: Through the looking glass darkly. Psychological Bulletin, 86, 549-573.
Simpson, J. A., Ickes, W., & Grich, J. (1999). When accuracy hurts: Reactions of anxious-ambivalent dating partners to a relationship threatening situation. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 76, 754-769.
Simpson, J. A., Rholes, W. S., & Phillips, D. (1996). Conflict in close relationships: An attachment perspective. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 71, 899-914.
Sommer, K. L. (in press). Interpersonal rejection, self-esteem, and ego-defensive strategies. In M. Leary (Ed.), Interpersonal rejection. New York: Oxford University Press.
Sommer, K. W., & Baumeister, R. F. (2000). Coping with Interpersonal rejection: The role of trait self-esteem. Unpublished manuscript, Baruch College.
Strack, F., Schwarz, N., Bless, H., Kubler, A., & Wanke, M. (1993). Awareness of the influence as a determinant of assimilation versus contrast. European Journal of Social Psychology, 23, 53-62.
Swann, W. B., Bosson, J. K., & Pelham, B. W. (2000). Circumscribed accuracy in self-presentation: Presenting the self positively, but authentically. Unpublished manuscript, University of Texas at Austin.
Swann, W. B., De La Ronde, C., & Hixon, J. G. (1994). Authenticity and positive strivings in marriage and courtship. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 66, 857-869.
Author information
Authors and Affiliations
Rights and permissions
About this article
Cite this article
Murray, S.L., Bellavia, G., Feeney, B. et al. The Contingencies of Interpersonal Acceptance: When Romantic Relationships Function as a Self-Affirmational Resource. Motivation and Emotion 25, 163–189 (2001). https://doi.org/10.1023/A:1010618010115
Issue Date:
DOI: https://doi.org/10.1023/A:1010618010115