Abstract
This study focused on strengths and variables that contribute to marital successes for couples with children with autism spectrum disorders (in this article, referred to as “autism”). Particularly, the purpose of this study was to examine what husbands and wives with children with autism in contrast to couples with children who are typically developing identify as helpful to maintaining their marriages. Concept mapping methodology was used for this research study. Couples with children with autism and couples with children who are typically developing participated in telephone interviews and then grouped and rated the statements generated from their interviews. Groupings were translated into pictorial maps showing relationships and patterns. Couples with children with autism shared common perceptions about factors that help to keep their marriages strong: communication and shared foundational ideas about marriage. Communication was a cluster for all groups of husbands and wives. Only mothers of children with autism identified time for self-care as a distinct cluster.
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Appendix: Clusters and Statements
Appendix: Clusters and Statements
Cluster title (number of statements) | Statement # in cluster | Statement |
|---|---|---|
Husbands with children with autism | ||
We communicate (9) | ||
V18 | We communicate about anything | |
V20 | We have open communication for the good, bad, or otherwise | |
V26 | Communication | |
V3 | We’re not territorial and we work together | |
V30 | Talking to her | |
V7 | Work things out as they come up | |
V43 | Communicating about changes of what is a priority in life | |
V1 | We work together to care for our child | |
V27 | Staying on the same page | |
We work out our differences (5) | ||
V16 | We try to look forward | |
V35 | Our verbal combats result in talking about our differences | |
V15 | We work through the problems | |
V23 | We work it out when we don’t agree | |
V2 | We have mutual support instead of his/her jobs | |
We care for and love each other (18) | ||
V12 | There is lots of caring between partners | |
V34 | Both of us are sympathetic with each other | |
V32 | Being there for each other | |
V38 | Willingness to meet the others need | |
V5 | Willingness to commit to the marriage and make time to spend together | |
V21 | We know that we will annoy each other | |
V13 | I have a strong and loving wife | |
V17 | My wife is my best friend | |
V19 | I love my wife | |
V31 | Love | |
V14 | My wife puts up with me | |
V42 | Avoid situations with other people that can promote infidelity | |
V36 | Having trust in each other | |
V22 | We recognize that we are different but that is not bad | |
V41 | Putting others need first; I do it for her and she does for me | |
V29 | I try to support her | |
V37 | Having a commitment to each other | |
V6 | We love each other | |
We have foundational expectations (11) | ||
V4 | We share a faith in God | |
V11 | We were prepared for cost of children | |
V40 | Desire to not to live the same life like our parents | |
V24 | We had a good foundation | |
V28 | Faith | |
V39 | Involvement in church, which is a common interest of ours | |
V9 | We had a strong foundation | |
V33 | Knowing what the negative experiences of people who have divorced are like | |
V8 | We were older when we got married | |
V10 | We knew what we wanted from a partner | |
V25 | We took a year to just be a couple before having kids | |
Wives with children with autism | ||
We communicate (17) | ||
V9 | Talk everything over | |
V32 | We talk a lot | |
V18 | Communication | |
V47 | Open communication with each other | |
V23 | Open communication | |
V37 | We communicate a lot about our child’s needs and how we can meet those needs | |
V24 | We talk about our concerns | |
V38 | We communicate about our own feelings | |
V25 | We talk about all decisions affecting our child | |
V40 | Compassion | |
V41 | Compromise | |
V20 | We have to talk to one another before making any decisions or believing any doctor | |
V48 | We talk things out | |
V39 | Honesty | |
V56 | Listening to him about what is important to him | |
V3 | We have similar beliefs in how handle autism and our child | |
V51 | We agree about parenting | |
We spend time to be a couple (14) | ||
V7 | We were friends for many years | |
V50 | We try to spend time with each other | |
V34 | We make time to be just a couple | |
V55 | Taking time to spend with each other | |
V49 | Giving each other breaks | |
V6 | We don’t have any time now to spend together alone so it was important to have a good foundation to start | |
V26 | Have someone to watch the kids overnight | |
V5 | We had a really solid relationship to begin with | |
V27 | We find time for us without kids | |
V14 | We share common interests | |
V28 | Be friends with each other | |
V8 | We share everything and do everything together | |
V15 | We enjoy traveling and exploring together | |
V52 | My husband takes my child out to do things | |
We do things for ourselves (5) | ||
V36 | Mom goes out with girlfriends every week | |
V33 | We make time for ourselves | |
V43 | We have things that we do together but also we have things we do separately | |
V35 | Being a couple is very important | |
V29 | We started out on a good foundation | |
We have foundational expectations (14) | ||
V17 | We stand strong together so not to be divided and conquered by children | |
V31 | We knew we had to work everything out | |
V13 | We have to work it out the best we can | |
V53 | Faith | |
V10 | Our family values come before difficulties that come up | |
V30 | Divorce was taken off the table when we got married | |
V11 | We knew marriages were not easy when we got married | |
V4 | We both believe in God | |
V54 | Priority of marriage first | |
V57 | Looking into the family unit and not only the autism | |
V9 | We both have a strong belief in commitment of marriage and raising our family together | |
V12 | We made a commitment | |
V2 | We want to make marriage work and we have faith that it can work | |
V1 | We have a commitment to the marriage and to each other | |
We encourage positive qualities for the marriage (7) | ||
V42 | Friendship | |
V44 | Passion | |
V21 | A sense of humor | |
V22 | Staying on the same page | |
V46 | We lean on each other | |
V16 | There is teamwork in terms of sharing responsibilities | |
V45 | Having his support with everything | |
Husbands with children who are typically developing | ||
We care for and love each other (13) | ||
S32 | Honesty | |
S40 | Approach everyday with respect and common sense towards your partner | |
S23 | We try to meet each other’s needs | |
S34 | Understanding | |
S22 | I try to think of what my wife needs and give that to her | |
S24 | We attended a marriage conference that helped us | |
S25 | I accept who she is-the good and the bad | |
S2 | No secrets | |
S3 | We have a personal investment in each other | |
S38 | We love each other | |
S48 | We like each other | |
S50 | We are pretty good friends. | |
S8 | We love each other | |
We have commitment to each other (6) | ||
S35 | We make time to spend with each other | |
S37 | Trust | |
S15 | We have a commitment to each other | |
S21 | I express my commitment level on a daily basis | |
S9 | Our love means commitment | |
S53 | We have a lot of similarities in what we like | |
We share religion and faith (3) | ||
S19 | Faith | |
S20 | Christianity influences my life and my commitment to my wife | |
S10 | Our marriage involves God | |
We have foundational expectations (9) | ||
S13 | We have common interests and values | |
S56 | We have common values | |
S55 | We have a common sense of family | |
S58 | We share similar values in teams of family and kids | |
S59 | Being children of divorced parents you don’t want your children to go through that | |
S60 | We want our family to be stable | |
S49 | She’s very easy to get along with | |
S54 | We have a lot of mutual friends | |
S14 | Our kids help to unify us and remind us that we are a family | |
We communicate (19) | ||
S11 | We have a willingness to compromise | |
S45 | It is important to be able to concede when necessary | |
S47 | We are able to negotiate | |
S7 | You have to communicate with each other | |
S16 | We go out without the kids | |
S5 | I am willing and open to talk about things | |
S44 | Neither of us are afraid to tell each other “no” and why | |
S31 | There is nothing we won’t talk about | |
S51 | We talk a lot | |
S17 | Communication | |
S27 | You can’t ignore things | |
S43 | Bouncing ideas off each other | |
S30 | Open communication | |
S46 | Knowing somebody long enough | |
S36 | We are straightforward with each other | |
S61 | We communicate more than any other couple we know | |
S18 | We check in about what is going on | |
S6 | You have to know the needs of the other person | |
S12 | We know and understand each other and accept each other’s faults | |
We work as a team and share responsibilities (12) | ||
S1 | My wife and I have a unified approach to everything | |
S2 | We do best when we work as a team | |
S29 | We share responsibilities | |
S52 | We know we are on the same team | |
S62 | We have an ability to work together | |
S28 | I know that we are a team and have to work together | |
S26 | Patience | |
S39 | I have a sense of responsibility | |
S4 | Willingness to be a team player and act for the good of the whole family | |
S33 | We work as a team | |
S41 | Raising our kids together | |
S57 | We both enjoy spending time with the family during our free times | |
Wives with children who are typically developing | ||
We communicate (22) | ||
S52 | Communication is the key | |
S53 | We talk about whatever we think is important | |
S43 | Open communication | |
S27 | We talk a lot and everything | |
S28 | We’re good at communicating | |
S30 | We try to communicate as much as possible | |
S14 | We talk about and address problem when they come up | |
S18 | Communication | |
S57 | You can’t read each other’s minds | |
S64 | Flexibility | |
S6 | We like to take a time out when things get rough | |
S29 | We pick our battles | |
S7 | Time away from each other helps us to appreciate each other | |
S35 | We rarely go to bed angry | |
S2 | We talk about things besides the kids. | |
S41 | We have our own activities that we like to do | |
S25 | We try to take extra time to make sure we communicate clearly | |
S44 | We have realistic expectations for our marriage | |
S46 | We are understanding with each other | |
S58 | We support one another in decision-making | |
S66 | Letting go of the responsibility from before the kids | |
S67 | Understanding that we were raised differently | |
We encourage positive qualities for the marriage (25) | ||
S13 | We have a strong relationship | |
S55 | Having fun with friends | |
S4 | When we took those vows, it was until death do us part | |
S38 | We are really good friends as well as husband and wife | |
S40 | We try to make a little time each day to check in with each other | |
S68 | We were older when we got married | |
S20 | We go out with and without the kids | |
S26 | We don’t get to see each other much | |
S48 | We use a babysitter to go out. | |
S23 | I think about my husband and try to look out for his interests | |
S36 | We didn’t have kids right away | |
S1 | Making sure we prioritize time with each other | |
S10 | We were good friends for year before dating each other | |
S37 | We both have a sense of humor | |
S49 | We share a sense of humor | |
S50 | We are always joking with each other | |
S65 | We laugh a lot | |
S33 | We dated for a long time before we got married | |
S54 | Spending time together | |
S51 | We try to not take things too seriously | |
S11 | We share a lot of common interests | |
S19 | Our marriage is a priority | |
S24 | I try to make my husband feel loved | |
S34 | Whenever we get a few minutes with each other, it is always beneficial | |
S56 | Being together | |
We share religion and faith (4) | ||
S5 | I talk to God | |
S9 | We have a central spiritual center | |
S22 | We have a commitment before Jesus Christ | |
S42 | Our Christian faith | |
We parent in the context of strong family values and support (18) | ||
S8 | Other couples are a support system | |
S16 | We are on the same page with our kids | |
S17 | We present a united front with our kids | |
S31 | We want to see our children do better than we did | |
S61 | We have the same ideas about raising our kids | |
S62 | Our cultural traditions bound us together | |
S3 | We ask for help from each other and friends and family when we need it | |
S15 | We back each other up in terms of parenting | |
S32 | We try to present a united front | |
S69 | We work together as a team | |
S39 | We love our kids | |
S47 | He’s a great dad with the kids | |
S45 | We had good examples of strong marriages | |
S60 | We have a strong marriage because we have a strong family | |
S63 | Extended family plays a large role in our relationship | |
S21 | We surround ourselves with friends and family that are family oriented like we are | |
S12 | We have similar values | |
S59 | We have the same family values | |
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Ramisch, J.L., Onaga , E. & Oh, S.M. Keeping a Sound Marriage: How Couples with Children with Autism Spectrum Disorders Maintain Their Marriages. J Child Fam Stud 23, 975–988 (2014). https://doi.org/10.1007/s10826-013-9753-y
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DOI: https://doi.org/10.1007/s10826-013-9753-y